My son was ostracized at school for not wearing Super Bowl apparel
Parents, we're not just watching games and supporting teams--we're also modeling behavior for our children
Long story short, my son was bullied at school by his classmates for what they perceived as his lack of Super Bowl support.
Even if you’re not a fan of sports–or Taylor Swift–you likely know that the Super Bowl is happening this weekend. Even though we’re more of a baseball family it’s been impossible not to get caught up in the fun–especially because our hometown team, the San Francisco 49ers, will be playing in the game.
My first grader has officially caught “49ers fever” like many kids at his school. They constantly play football, talk about football and wear football jerseys. I’ve had to do some extra laundry because my son insists upon wearing one of his three 49ers shirts every single day of the week, but it’s been fun to see him so engaged and excited.
Remember that part where I said we’re a baseball family? It’s not just the Super Bowl we’re eager to watch, everyone in our house is also excitedly awaiting the start of Major League Baseball’s spring training. My husband even bought him and our son matching spring training-specific San Francisco Giants baseball hats (something I never knew existed before last week), and my son decided to take a break from wearing his 49ers hat every day to school and try out his new one.
As he lined up with his classmates that morning, a fellow student stepped out of line and approached my son. “You can’t wear that hat,” he said. “It’s not a Niners hat. Only Niners hats are allowed!” The boy then removed his 49ers hat and placed it on top of my son’s Giants hat. The other parents and I watched this exchange, laughing at the overly dramatic display of support that had become the norm around school. It seemed like a typical exchange between two kids until the other boy lunged forward and pushed my son while yelling “traitor!” My son stumbled back in shock and suddenly this didn’t feel like friendly sportsmanship.
My son’s teacher quickly intervened, sending my son and the other students inside while she spoke with “Niners Hat Boy,” as I’ll call him. “Well, that was unexpected,” one parent observed. “He does realize it’s also a San Francisco team, right? And a completely different sport?”
There was some eye rolling as we said our goodbyes and headed off for the day. I mostly forgot about what happened until I picked my son up from school that afternoon and saw his forlorn face. “I had the worst day ever,” he said when he got into the car. “[Niners Hat Boy] told everyone that I wanted the 49ers to lose, and I was a traitor. He said that because my hat wasn’t the Niners I hated the team and everyone should stop being my friend.”
I knew that Niners Hat Boy liked to push people’s buttons and was quick to name-call others, plus my son can be prone to exaggeration. I assumed they each brought a little of that to the table, talked through the encounter with my son and sent his teacher a check-in message for good measure. I considered the matter finished.
I was wrong.
After exchanging a few messages, his teacher and I ended up on the phone and it turns out my son wasn’t exaggerating about one thing–it likely was one of his worst days ever. It seems that Niners Hat Boy successfully spread his message. My son was called a “traitor” by multiple classmates, friendships were declared over “forever” and one child wrote a note saying “Archie hates the 49ers” that he pushed in his face and showed to others. Though not witnessed directly by his teacher, my son also said there was a punch to the shoulder or two. The mama bear in me went ballistic upon hearing this, all I could imagine was a frenzy of sharks circling my child, waiting to draw blood.
His teacher leapt into action, but the damage was done. He spent the rest of the day alone, ostracized and being called names in a low whisper. I’m not here to discuss or debate how the situation was handled. His teacher is truly one of the best I’ve encountered and she managed it beautifully. I’m much more concerned with why it happened in the first place.
“Don’t they know that the Giants are from the SAME CITY and play a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SPORT? And he’s been wearing 49ers clothes for weeks!” I wailed to my husband later that evening. But these are six and seven-year-olds, I reminded myself, and that wasn’t the point. It was why these young children thought it was acceptable to become so aggressive toward someone with a differing opinion and where they learned this. You only have to drive down one block in our town and see the houses flying 49er flags, the car windows painted with red and gold words of support and jerseys being worn by the masses to know they were being exposed to the die-hard attitude of many of the fans. But the underlying message? That’s either being learned from or not discouraged by their parents.
What do kids really see when their parents watch sports?
Somehow, children are being taught that passionate fandom can mean anger or cruelty. It’s never okay to attack or blackball those with differing opinions. Unfortunately, we are all too frequently exposed to that happening with politics, race and religion. Do we have to add the sports teams we support to that list?
San Francisco and its surrounding communities were rocked by an episode of fan violence back in 2011 when a Bay Area Giants fan, Brian Stow, was attacked in the Los Angeles Dodgers stadium parking lot following a Giants vs. Dodgers game. The brutal assault left Stow in a coma for nine months and he is still working on his recovery today, nearly 13 years later. Following that horrendous act was a period of goodwill between teams and fans, and sportsmanship returned–here in the Bay Area, at least.
Look, I’m not comparing my son’s incident to Brian Stow’s tragic attack. But unethical behavior starts as a small seed and grows. It’s also a learned behavior with its lessons beginning in childhood. In sports, we see it when parents and coaches argue or even get physical at their children’s games. Our kids hear us disparage opposing teams, watch us yelling obscenities at the TV and observe our overwhelming joy or deep disappointment–and sometimes anger–following a game. Is any of this followed by a discussion about good sportsmanship and how everyone is entitled to support any team they want? That it’s all in good fun, nothing more? I hope so. But I don’t think that’s always the case.
This is not the wild ranting of one mom. Since this happened, other parents at my son’s school have told me that their non-football loving kids have been ostracized and called “weird,” and those who actually are Kansas City Chiefs fans faced encounters similar to my son’s. It is likely that this extra charged attitude is due to “our team” playing in the Super Bowl this year… but is that an excuse?
It’s time for us parents to once again reflect on our sportsmanship and the behavior we are modeling for our children. And we have a great opportunity to do so this Sunday when we watch the Super Bowl. And I’m not suggesting we watch in silence, wear neutral colors or be ambivalent about which team we’re behind. Just that we do it in a healthy way.
My family is still planning to join friends and watch the game. Sure, we’ll cheer for the good plays and moan and ground after the bad ones. But we will not name-call, degrade the other team and its fans or mock anyone supporting a different team. We’ll show them that you can love sports and enthusiastically support your team without making anyone else feel bad.
I hope others will do the same.
🙌